Merry Christmas!” “Happy New Year!”
As the end of the year approaches, everywhere we turn someone is telling us we should be happy. But for those who’ve recently lost someone they love, the holidays can seem more like something to survive than to enjoy. The traditions and events that can add so much joy and meaning to the season are punctuated with painful reminders of the person(s) we love who are not here to share in it. I must confess I have wished I could find a quiet place to hide and in someways being Tier 4 as a result of Covid 19 is allowing this.
No Christmas tree or decorations are up this year, my heart is full of those whom we've loved and lost this year. Christmas is a time which is bursting with memories and associations - good and bad - so naturally that familiar pang of hurt that comes with grieving returns and reminds you it’s still there. This year, it will be the seventh Christmas Day spent without my Mum, second Christmas without my seeing my brother Christmas Morning and the first Christmas without Dad.
Although of course I miss them all every day, it cuts that much deeper during this time of year. Everything reminds me of Christmas’ past.....
.....The lights on the Christmas Tree never being switched on until Christmas Eve and the decorations remaining until the twelfth night. Midnight Mass, a red candle burning each night. The excitement of exchanging and opening gifts on Christmas Morning. The overwhelming warmth of walking into the pub Christmas Day after feeling the cold chill outside. Eating a delicious dinner and falling asleep by a roaring wood fire just some of the memories that instantly come to mind along with many more.
As I have grown up I realise the Christmas Magic I felt as a child was really a family who loved one another so much. The bitter sweet memories I recall of Christmas' past remind me that life is moving forward without the loved ones I have lost and I can’t do anything to stop it. It’s normal to hurt and feel sad. It’s ok!
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